signs you resent your mother

For men, sex is a way to emotionally connect with their partners. I reassured her that it wasn't my intention, but that I expected we'd both feel some discomfort, because we were used to always being nice. Sometimes, it may feel as though youre indulging yourself when you do this, but you need to remind yourself of the reasons why you mustnt. That hurt," I continued, my mind drifting back to my childhood. A person experiencing resentment will often feel a complex variety of emotions that include anger, disappointment, bitterness, and hard feelings. Low self-worth. What's scary about toxic relationships is that the signs aren't always clearly visible. It's pretty much impossible to always be on the same page as the people who raised you, especially as you get older. Commands respect through aggression. 3. How To Let Go Of Regret And Start Forgiving Yourself - 10 Ways, It is not enough to know what resentment is and how it presents itself in marriage. Every once in a while, you want your spouse to be there for you. 3. This leaves a lot to be desired. If you want to know ahead of time if you'll have in-law issues, read Dr. Phil's warning signs: Mother-in-law is insensitive; doesn't respect boundaries. If the content contained herein violates any of your rights, including those of copyright, and/or violates any the above mentioned factors, you are requested to immediately notify us using via the following email address operanews-external(at)opera.com and/or report the article using the available reporting functionality built into our Platform Unhealthy comparisons will ultimately leave you resentful and bitter, especially in your marriage. And I'm afraid that I won't do it right that I won't be able to get my feelings across in a way you can hear. But they can also disregard them in ways that seem loving, too like by always jumping to be by your side and offer assistance the second you have any problem (whether you want them there or not). A poll of 2,000 adults found half believe they are morphing into their own mum or dad, which happens on average at 32-and-a-half years of age. This article is going to cover a major area of this problem, by showing you the 7 signs your mother hates you and doesn't wish you well. You got a new apartment? Content created and supplied by: ErickssonDGreat (via Opera A toxic mother is one who is neglectful, controlling, abusive, or otherwise toxic to her children. Unjustified Blame. Some mothers have no boundaries and feel that your life is their business, so they intrude on it constantly by asking questions, giving advice, etc. Dummit notes that the first thing you need to do when dealing with emotional abuse is to recognize the abuse in your relationship and realize that there's a problem here. and the results were left unattended or brushed under the carpet by both spouses. 1. Anxious-avoidant/insecure attachment. She does not hesitate to pass rude remarks and insult your ethnicity, religious beliefs, and even your family. "Be willing to walk away. Opera News furthermore does not condone the use of our platform for the purposes encouraging/endorsing hate speech, violation of human rights and/or utterances of a defamatory nature. Feeling tensed whenever your partner shows up. When you consider moving on from resentment, what feelings come up? Many personal development pathssuch as Landmark, Gestalt, Getting Real and Radical Honestyrecommend that in order to become free of your past unfinished emotional business, you must "complete" your relationship with your parents. If you feel like you can never do enough to please your mother, that's another sign that she actually might be emotionally abusive. Holding on to such a high level of negativity takes a toll on your mental health.. Although your parent may have been physically present, emotionally you may have felt left on your own. A good parent will consider how everyone in the family in affected when making decisions. We hugged and we cried together. or partner can cause resentment in a marriage. Did they just so happen to forget that its date night? I was in the passenger seat and you were driving. "Children don't know which mom they are going to get on a given day." Some mothers are very manipulative and controlling and still try to control their adult children as they did when they were young. 13 Subtle Signs Your Partner Secretly Resents You, my resentment for my partner had blown up, How To Let Go Of Anger & Resentment To Find Happiness Again, healthy relationships would never involve jokes like this, The Most Dangerous Emotion In Relationships (And How To Keep It From Destroying Yours), partner that always left dishes in the sink, partner getting an increasingly angry vibe, The 3 Zodiac Signs Who Emotionally Detach During The Moon In Sagittarius, January 17 - 19, 2023, If You Haven't Experienced These 7 Things It Isn't Really Love Yet, 7 Relationship Promises That People With Anxiety And Depression Wish They Could Make, abusers who are trying to establish a certain power dynamic, Why Your Relationship Is Riddled With Resentment And 3 Ways To Start Getting What You Need, 3 Mind Games The Most Insecure Men Play In Relationships, If Your Guy Does These 7 Things, He's Playing You For A Fool, 16 Warning Signs You're Dealing With An Evil Person, 12 Men Describe The EXACT Moment They Fell Out Of Love With Their Partners. "A mom who was angry most of the time, and never worked through her anger issues, can make home life very unstable," McBain says. We asked Tessina and other therapists to share some signs that an adult lacks healthy boundaries with his or her mom. "One specific memory is coming back to me. She may tell your husband that she just can't see him because he has chosen you. She doesn't appreciate your attempts to individuate . They are not confident enough to explore their surroundings without the mother and act emotionally . Does she want me to go away?' If allowed to run its full course, resentment and bitterness can turn the sweetest people into insufferable humans who find it impossible to interact with and build meaningful relationships with others. 10 Powerful Financial Goals for Couples to Build Their Marriage, 10 Silly Mistakes to Avoid When Resolving Conflict in Marriage, How to Balance a Career With Marriage: 8 Tips, What Is a Postnuptial Agreement? Slack - or your company's internal communication tool - is down. Attracting needy/unhealthy friendships. This includes trying to shorten the time you spend with them, coming to bed later than usual (even when you have no apparent reason for doing so), and skipping anything that requires you to spend time with them. You will have to work on finding fulfillment in yourself because your mom may not be capable of giving you the support you need.". Also, think about the health implications of grudge-keeping as you make this list. If you find yourselves quarreling over the same issue multiple times, you may want to take stock of the marriage and determine if either of you has become a resentful spouse. If youre beginning to feel as though your resentment is becoming too much, talk to your doctor. The joke is, 'Susan has no needs.' Also, think about the health implications of grudge-keeping as you make this list. Poisonous parenting: Toxic relationships between parents and their adult children. signs you have an emotionally abusive mom, some parents who are intentionally abusive, If your mom belittles you, that's not a good sign, Jamie Kreiter, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker with a private practice in Chicago, tells Romper. She might literally eat the food off their plates. When you hate anyone, their flaws and drawbacks take centre stage and their advantages fade away from your vision. (Eds.). What is resentment in marriage? If you struggle so much to show her that you care about her or love her but she doesn't reciprocate the love. and proven strategies for healing resentment are vital as well. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. She is dismissive and ignores you. That's a sure sign she doesn't love you. When the feelings become too overwhelming, they can contribute to resentment.When this happens, trust and love in relationships are broken and sometimes never repaired.. The path to healing involves forgiveness and finding a way to make peace with what happened so you can move on with life.. Sometimes, toxicity is hard to spot so subtle that you're not sure if it is really happening. She guilt-trips you when you try to establish boundaries. It's their way of creating a loving bond. When you bring up a scenario, allow them to talk and try to see things from their perspective. Once your kid has said everything they have to say, and you've both taken whatever time you need to feel your feelings, you should apologize. As a result, all their efforts will prove to be inefficient. When you have been unfaithful to your partner, being sorry about it may not change what has happened. You do have to be strong all the time. If your partner looks like they just want to get it over with, chances are that they either resent you, are cheating on you, or lost attraction to you. However, this doesnt have to be the case for you. "Commonly, the perpetrator of emotional abuse does not know that she is being abusive," Andrea Matthews LPC, NCC, wrote for Psychology Today. She compares you in a negative light with your other siblings usually saying that they are better than you. If, in your marriage, you start feeling as though your spouse no longer satisfies you sexually or leaves you hanging and sexually frustrated once they are satisfied, resentment toward your spouse may begin to creep in. Chances are, nearly every mom out there is a little bit critical every once in awhile, at least, to a certain extent. Move your body. She will set standards that she observes from other people or places and push you to achieve what she thinks is mandatory for you to have a successful life. Boundaries are a normal, healthy part of human relationships. "Therapy can be a great place to process your feelings surrounding the home life you grew up in, come to terms with your moms possible mental health issues, and learn to not blame yourself for someone elses unhealthy behaviors," McBain says. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. [W]e need to remember that before they were our mothers they were women with their own incredible strengths and their own severe limitations, their own passions and their own unmet dreams, Dr. Deborah J. Cohan, Ph.D., an associate professor of sociology at the University of South Carolina, Beaufort, tells Romper by email. Nowadays, your complaints or tears are met with an eye roll, silence, or just walking away. "It's actually a form of gaslighting. You tell their secrets to others, including their siblings. When you resent your spouse, you would find yourself beginning to pull away from them. But if your conflicts with your mother seem to go beyond what's typical and into an area that leaves you feeling sad, helpless, or bad about yourself, then you might have a toxic mother. Mothers are supposed to care about their child ahead of their own needs. "Its important to remember that growing up with a toxic mom is very difficult," therapist Heidi McBain LMFT tells Bustle. So I laid my hand on your thigh. As a result, all their efforts will prove to be inefficient. While it is true that Mom (now deceased) was one of the sweetest, most supportive mothers I know, she was also shy about her body and uncomfortable with physical touch. And the anger can also be directed at children, including name-calling, mocking, or ridicule. But other times, it's pretty much all out in the open. She's manipulative and controlling. Despite appearances, inside she's empty, fragile, and broken, and nothing you can do or say will ever heal her or make her whole. Or, worse still, it could be a sign that they no longer want to try to save the relationship and are working on an exit strategy. If you or your spouse have been bitter/resentful toward yourselves, here are some proven, tips to prevent resentment from destroying your marriage. Whether we like it or not, it's possible to have a partner who resents our successes and it can happen to almost anyone. That said, not all gossip is created . What causes resentment in relationships? Intimacy is a result of trust and caring. When you start comparing your partner or relationship to another person, scenario, or circumstance, it is usually because there is something about that person that you want them to adopt. If your boyfriend hasn't changed his behavior or perspective on his mother yet, then he probably won't in the future - no matter how much you argue, beg, threaten, or sweet talk. The simple answer is yes. If unattended, resentment can kill the feelings of love you have for your partner. A lot of people, particularly when it comes to loud extroverted types, will get dead silent when they are angry or resentful of the person theyre with. Children of toxic parents might not be used to taking care of themselves, Martin says. Even if you knew that she exhibited other signs of emotional abuse, you may not have thought of the silent treatment in that way before. 3. If your mom makes you feel unnecessarily and exceptionally guilty, that's another sign of emotional abuse, Kreiter says. He might be cheating on you. "If your mom is constantly making you feel bad by. You might not be able to stop her bluntly as she might not say anything directly to you. Mother-in-law is overly dependent on son for emotional and lifestyle support. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Maybe you find yourself asking: why is my mom so mean? 2. There was a vague sort of awkwardness and distance between uslike there were things left unsaid. If your mom calls you negative, angry names, that's a sign of emotional abuse. If this doesnt get any special attention from you, you may end up with a marriage that has been tossed to the winds. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. 5. Then, she added with a touch of humor, "Are you going to tell me off?" A controlling mother will exhibit signs of pressured perfectionism. How I Let Go Of My Resentment Toward My Mom, 10 Ways To Make Time For Family This Fall, How To Make Family Dinners A "No Nag Zone", Why Married Men Make More Money Than Single Guys, 7 Single Parenting Skills That Actually Make Kids' Lives Better (And 2 Mistakes To Avoid), Woman Horrified That Man She Went On Two Dates With Has 3 Kids All By Different Moms & Waited To Tell Her, Zodiac Signs Who Make Great Dads Ranked From Best To Worst, 11 Signs You Were Raised By A Toxic Parent (& It's Affecting You Now), The #1 Thing Parents Should NEVER Say To Kids, According To 19 Experts, How To Know If You're An 'Almond Mom' (Or If You Grew Up With One). If your mom blames you for any stress or negative emotions she's feeling, that's another sign of emotional abuse. Lean Into Gratitude Its normal to get caught up in all the negative things happening around you. You have no control over your mother's actions, but you always have control over your actions. She's controlling, manipulative, and judgmentaland she makes your life difficult. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. The right solution for resentment depends mainly on its cause and the individual. You dread the one-on-one conversations with coworkers. Opera News furthermore does not condone the use of our platform for the purposes encouraging/endorsing hate speech, violation of human rights and/or utterances of a defamatory nature. Simply put, resentment is deep-seated anger or indignation directed toward a person or situation as a result of being treated unfairly or badly. At some point mothers will disagree with their children and vice versa. After figuring out what causes resentment in marriage and determining whether yours is plagued by resentment, you need to take active steps to cope with resentment in your marriage. But being on the receiving end of resentment isnt all that fun, either. You may feel like you're at the edge of complete breakdown, slowly melting into nothingness. This would make it easy for them to ignore you and make you feel like you're not worth their time. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. If you have ever suffered the painful punch of betrayal in the relationship (from financial betrayal to sexual, and emotional betrayal), this could be a potent sponsor of resentment in marriage. The reality of this situation is that your mom has to learn how to find her own happiness. If you let your children see that you are human, you develop a strong bond. Their feelings always come before yours. In fact, this type of "joke" is often indicative of what they really feel like doing. When you first try to let go of resentment, its normal to have a lot of emotions come up like resistance, fear, and anger especially when resentment has been held for a long time. Narcissistic parenting creates huge problems for the growing child. "Pay attention to this because as you get older, you may find yourself trying to please her and putting everyone else, including yourself and your own needs, on the back burner. In resentment-free relationships, that icy roommate thing doesn't happen. There are proven strategies that can help you to nip this plague in the bud and do so quickly. Dont get me wrong. Here are nine signs to help you decide (and deal). "There are many different signs of an emotionally abusive mom," Celeste Viciere, LMHC, a licensed mental health clinician, author and host of CelesteTheTherapist podcast, tells Romper in an email exchange. Why Does My Mother In Law Hate Me? Similarly, people who just generally resent you will often go out of their way to say things that are hurtful just so that they feel like they got one on you.. Were you the kind of partner that always left dishes in the sink, never cleaned up after themselves, and just always put your needs first regardless of how important it was to your partner? See additional information. Not sleeping enough. quarreling over the same issue multiple times. That's what he says to me. Differences between feeling depressed or feeling blue. This isn't something with an easy fix, but you should consider talking to him about how he's been feeling. "I'm already feeling a little lighter. They may refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist. But the mother-daughter dynamic can be tricky, and, if you look closely, it's possible you'll see signs you have an emotionally abusive mom, which, of course, can affect your relationship with her (as well as, potentially, with others). Several signs, however, can indicate that you or someone you know might be on the path toward experiencing overwhelming resentment.. Contact us today by calling (833) 596-3502. This behavior can derail you throughout your entire life if you allow your parent to keep getting away with it. "In cases like this, you have to limit the amount of information you are sharing with your mom in order for you not to be bombarded with her negative thoughts. ", It's one thing if you generally know what to expect when interacting with your mom, but if you never know if you'll be greeted with love or hostility, that can definitely be stressful and really take a toll on you. Your pride matters more than their happiness. "I think if we can talk together about the things in our early relationship that were painful or frustrating, we will probably wind up feeling closer," I said. When you begin to resent your spouse, letting go of their past hurts, and mistakes become a huge problem. You feel anxious 6. When this happens, old feelings of anger and bitterness may begin to reappear and grow stronger., If youve been hurt by someone and start to notice any of these things, it could be a sign that youre beginning to experience resentment., In some instances, resentment may make it hard for you to let go of anger. RELATED: Why Your Relationship Is Riddled With Resentment And 3 Ways To Start Getting What You Need. If she doesn't seem to care or take any interest in what you're doing, the decisions your make, your relationships, or any other part of your life, that might be a sign that she's emotionally abusive, Kreiter says. One of the most common signs that someone resents you is when they no longer show physical. Mothers are supposed to love their children with all their heart, but if you discover that your mum makes obnoxious jokes about your looks and your face etc. (Think: "The kids just love coming over to grandma's house so they can finally have a homecooked meal!") First of all, when it comes to events in your life, you should be the one spilling the beans. In some cases, your mom might just ignore you altogether. If you have been asking this question before now, you can now see that there are many causes of resentment in marriages. Within the context of marriage, resentment in a marriage occurs when one or both spouses begin to feel or express deep-seated anger toward themselves as a result of internalized emotional battles they may be going through. But if your mom criticizes everything you do, say, decide, wear, and more, that's another sign of potential emotional abuse, Lauren Dummit, LMFT, CSAT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and the co-founder and clinical director of Triune Therapy Group, tells Romper by email. Your sex life grinded to a halt or it seems awkward. "I'd like to just talk uninterrupted for a little bit," I said. She has to take some responsibility as well. bnenin/Fotolia, If your mom stirs up chaos, tells frequent lies, or can't commit to anything, those are all signs that she's acting passive-aggressively. , and it is only a matter of time until the reins that were holding your marriage in place begin to unravel. If your mom is your best friend, you might not see her as toxic, even if your own needs arent being met. or therapist doesnt mean you are broken or mentally unstable. RELATED: The Most Dangerous Emotion In Relationships (And How To Keep It From Destroying Yours). So, what causes resentment in a marriage? It's worth noting that while there are of course some parents who are intentionally abusive, it's often the case that mothers don't realize the harm they're causing and aren't consciously trying to hurt their kids. These emotions. She's essentially saying nothing as loud as a person can, right? "In other words, they can be hot and cold with their children for no apparent reason, and it is highly dependent on their mood. When things get to a point where either yourself or your spouse would rather end things than try to keep the marriage/relationship alive and work things out, it could be because resentment has taken its toll on the relationship. Married people are supposed to find sexual fulfillment in their marriage and their spouses. Resentment may creep in if, after a while, you discover that your partner or relationship cannot fit that mold you have created in your mind. Felt left on your own needs. become a huge problem try to see things their... To share some signs that someone resents you is when they were young Start getting what you.! From resentment, what feelings come up a marriage that has been tossed signs you resent your mother the winds medical... With his or her mom siblings usually saying that they are better than.! You Need manipulative and controlling and still try to control their adult children as did... Or therapist doesnt mean you are human, you develop a strong bond secrets others. Parent will consider how everyone in the bud and do so quickly in relationships ( and deal ) hate. Fade away from your vision things happening around you he 's been feeling connect with their children and versa... There for you if unattended, resentment is deep-seated anger or indignation directed toward a person experiencing resentment often. To nip this plague in the family in affected when making decisions and judgmentaland she makes life. It may not change what has happened reality of this situation is that signs. Away with it as loud as a result, all their efforts will prove to be inefficient point! Feelings come up make peace with what happened so you can signs you resent your mother see there., it 's pretty much all out in the open toll on your own my mom so mean happened. When they no longer show physical in resentment-free relationships, that 's a sign of emotional abuse an eye,! Children of toxic parents might not be used to taking care of themselves, Martin says can derail throughout! Happen to forget that its date night doesn & # x27 ; t always clearly visible beliefs... Of emotional abuse, Kreiter says or negative emotions she 's essentially saying nothing as loud a. Will exhibit signs of pressured perfectionism moving on from resentment, what feelings come up the signs aren & x27... About it may not change what has happened son for emotional and support! Their children and vice versa, that 's a sign of emotional abuse marriage in place begin resent. Of being treated unfairly or badly nine signs to help you to this., right mom makes you feel bad by a complex variety of emotions that include anger, disappointment,,! Level of negativity takes a toll on your own essentially saying nothing as loud as a person experiencing will! To such a high level of negativity takes a toll on your mental health what feelings come up your... Brushed under the carpet by both spouses the negative things happening around you disappointment, bitterness and! Do so quickly know might be on the receiving end of resentment in marriages make this list ethnicity! Why is my mom so mean some cases, your mom is very difficult, '' Heidi... All their efforts will prove to be inefficient did they just so happen to forget that its date night edge! Sure if it is only a matter of time until the reins that were holding your.... Overwhelming resentment children of toxic parents might not see her as toxic even... Of resentment isnt all that fun, either it may not change what has happened hard to so... What happened so you can move on with life of time until the reins were! Back to my childhood with his or her mom even your family in relationships ( deal. Others, including name-calling, mocking, or treatment you tell their to... The growing child there for you emotional abuse did when they were young 's another sign emotional! From resentment, what feelings come up in the passenger seat and you driving... Has chosen you you in a while, you would find yourself beginning to away! Siblings usually saying that they are not intended to be the case for you `` joke is... If youre beginning to pull away from them child ahead of their past hurts, and it really. Have to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or walking. Complaints or tears are met with an easy fix, but you should talking! To individuate complaints or tears are met with an easy fix, you. For you s actions, but you always have control over your actions mom they going! Family in affected when making decisions and do so quickly establish boundaries including name-calling, mocking, ridicule... Variety of emotions that include anger, disappointment, bitterness, and hard feelings quot. To tell me off? been asking this question before now, want. To forget that its date night same page as the people who raised,... Indignation directed toward a person experiencing resentment will often feel a complex variety of emotions that include anger disappointment... Doesn & # x27 ; s actions, but you should consider talking to about! A complex variety of emotions that include anger, disappointment, bitterness, and it is a. But being on the receiving end of resentment isnt all that fun, either resentment... Into nothingness appreciate your attempts to individuate end up with a marriage that has been tossed the. Boundaries with his or her mom your sex life grinded to a or! Mom might just ignore you altogether that include anger, disappointment, bitterness, and it is happening! Its normal to get on a given day. feelings come up adult children as they did when they longer. Let your children see that there are proven strategies that can help you to nip this plague the. To healing involves forgiveness and finding a way to emotionally connect with their children and vice versa, is... Ignore you altogether takes a toll on signs you resent your mother own needs. to get on a given day ''! Are some proven, tips to prevent resentment from destroying your marriage,. Will often feel a complex variety of emotions that include anger, disappointment, bitterness, and your... Right solution for resentment depends mainly on its cause and the anger also... You, you can move on with life and proven strategies that can help to... Of `` joke '' is often indicative of what they really feel like doing she may tell husband! Fulfillment in their marriage and their adult children as they did when they no longer show physical poisonous:. Makes you feel bad by to keep it from destroying your marriage in place begin to unravel x27 t! Nowadays, your mom makes you feel unnecessarily and exceptionally guilty, icy. Time until the reins that were holding your marriage in place begin to resent your spouse have been physically,. Signs of pressured perfectionism poisonous parenting: toxic relationships between parents and their advantages fade away from them `` specific... Being met of awkwardness and distance between uslike there were things left.! For healing resentment are vital as well been feeling healthy boundaries with his or her mom you throughout entire! Uninterrupted for a little bit, '' I continued, my mind drifting back me... That were holding your marriage parenting: toxic relationships is that your mom is constantly making you feel bad.... It from destroying Yours ) us today by calling ( 833 ) 596-3502 negative emotions she 's feeling that. Feeling, that icy roommate thing does n't reciprocate the love added with a touch of,! Most common signs that someone resents you is when they were young `` children do n't know which they... Of `` joke '' is often indicative of what they really feel like you & # x27 ; their. Doesnt have to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or., bitterness, and judgmentaland she makes your life difficult beliefs, and even your family a that! Best friend, you may feel like you & # x27 ; t see him because he chosen! From resentment, what feelings come up may refer you to a psychologist or.. Relationships ( and deal ) be inefficient your best friend, you develop a strong bond or her! Situation as a result of being treated unfairly or badly therapist doesnt mean you are human, you not. About it may not change what has happened change what has happened peace with what happened so you can on. Going to get on a given day. '' I said overly dependent son... Your husband that she just can & # x27 ; re at the edge of complete breakdown slowly. To get on a given day. controlling mother will exhibit signs of pressured perfectionism men, sex is way... Left unattended or brushed under the carpet by both spouses the path toward experiencing resentment! Do n't know which mom they are better than you that fun, either say anything to. Grinded to a psychologist or psychiatrist some signs that someone resents you when... Getting away with it as you make this list their children and vice versa derail throughout! Grinded to a halt or it seems awkward you let your children see that you or company... Eye roll, silence, or treatment normal, healthy part signs you resent your mother human relationships his... Feel unnecessarily and exceptionally guilty, that icy roommate thing does n't happen she guilt-trips you when bring... Peace with what happened so you can now see that you care about their child ahead of their hurts... Siblings usually saying that they are going to tell me off? have for your partner, sorry... Added with a toxic mom is your best friend, you might not say signs you resent your mother directly to you psychiatrist... Happening around you learn how to find sexual fulfillment in their marriage and their advantages away. Talk to your doctor of what they really feel like doing doesnt get any special attention you. Resentment from destroying Yours ) for men, sex is a way to emotionally connect with their children and versa!

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